How to die peacefully – DePauw University
These are the last words you want to hear from a doctor: “It’s terminal.”
“There is fear. There is panic. There are the “what if?” “Said Julianne” J “Miranda, certified end-of-life coach and part-time faculty member in the DePauw University Studies Program. “When a person first faces this diagnosis… it really comes down to first recognizing what is present for you right now.
“One of the cultural and social challenges we face in dealing with death, and grief as well, is that we see it as a process that leads somewhere. And it’s really counterintuitive to what’s needed at the time of angst, if you will, or what’s needed at the time of recognition.
Miranda helps clients – those facing death or their loved ones – by listening, asking questions, exploring what is important to them in the circumstances. She takes it slowly – “this is not a rushed process” – and “a lot of these values, a lot of these concerns, a lot of these wishes will emerge.”
Its role, she says, is “to be a companion, to be a guide, to be a witness and to really help the person ask the question and live in the answers. I could tell you what I think and it doesn’t mean anything. … Allowing them to ask and answer their own questions brings them closer to what they value, what is important to them, their own view of death and their perspective on their relationships with them. the others dying.
Ideally, people should make decisions about their death when they are healthy, and she works with healthy clients who do just that, she said. “We are biological entities; we can’t really control the way the body dies. But we can think about quality of life and end of life, so that’s a big part of what I try to do with individuals and families, even before a diagnosis.
She asks clients, “What does a good death look like to you?” What would a peaceful death, a loving death mean to you? And so, talking about what you want your family to know, who is the person who will be making the decisions for you when you can’t – it’s really called the advanced care planning process. And that’s a big part of what I do with individuals and families.
But “the fundamental obstacle is that people don’t want to talk about death,” she said. “We are afraid of it. We stigmatized it. We made it uncomfortable.
A good death, she says, “is well prepared. … All of these things that we need and want to say in terms of closure, along with these other aspects of our life, these become possible when we think about death. I think when we become more in control of all parts, we can control – obviously we cannot control the way the body dies – we can control our mind, our spirit, our attitude. When we have this control, the fear decreases. …
“All the work we need to do for a peaceful death is on the inside… There are wonderful resources on death and death, but there is no better expert in your life than you.